Since the excitement of our re-engagement (and, I might as well say it, my husband's return to the bedroom), life's challenges keep coming at us. It's evident to me that the depression my husband was self-medicating with sexual behavior still has him in its grip. He grew tremendously in the last few months, and now, though still unhappy, he has decided that this is as far as he can go. This is as good as life is going to be for him.
He'd better be wrong. I will not settle for that kind of life for myself, or for one whose life is so entwined with mine.
It's maddening to see the things he needs to change, and be unable to advise or force or conjure the changes. Only God can do that--and that is the key. My husband has reached the highest satisfaction he can find for himself. He needs an experience with his Creator to find life that is not just good enough, but abundant.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Religion
Because I want this blog to be accessible to everyone, I've minimized references to my faith throughout most of the posts, so I'll dedicate this one to making it clear that Jesus is the only thing getting me through (with some help from the baby he's allowed me to have at just the right time). And I am sure it is only through Him I will ever be able to forgive completely. My theology is deepening through this: I'm coming to understand the breach of trust humanity has had with God, and soon, I hope, the depth of His forgiveness, through the destruction in my marriage.
I consider myself a basic non-categorical Christian, raised in a variety of Evangelical churches but using in my own life a blend of practices for the worship of Christ throughout history. (Of Christ, only; to put it in theological terms I am ecumenical but not a universalist.)
My husband is from a similar background, but his faith has been a bit shakier than mine (not that mine is very strong!) for a long time now. He admitted yesterday to failing me spiritually. And I had told him, the day before, that this was a crisis point not only for our marriage but for his faith. I will stay with him if he decides he is no longer a Christian, as long as he doesn't cheat on me again, but he needs to make a decision about that as well. His adultery was only possible in a mental environment where he had lost moral certainty. E&M challenged us to decide if our marriage is valuable enough to us to save; I challenge my husband to decide if his faith is.
I consider myself a basic non-categorical Christian, raised in a variety of Evangelical churches but using in my own life a blend of practices for the worship of Christ throughout history. (Of Christ, only; to put it in theological terms I am ecumenical but not a universalist.)
My husband is from a similar background, but his faith has been a bit shakier than mine (not that mine is very strong!) for a long time now. He admitted yesterday to failing me spiritually. And I had told him, the day before, that this was a crisis point not only for our marriage but for his faith. I will stay with him if he decides he is no longer a Christian, as long as he doesn't cheat on me again, but he needs to make a decision about that as well. His adultery was only possible in a mental environment where he had lost moral certainty. E&M challenged us to decide if our marriage is valuable enough to us to save; I challenge my husband to decide if his faith is.
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